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Sunday, April 30, 2017

To Enchant Another

😍To Enchant Another
With the same bodkin
That you pierced💘
My heart with,
You shall till the earth
To plant the seeds
Of my broken heart💔
For the fruits
Of my love
To enchant another.💓

Collective Ego Expression

Collective Ego Expression
The worst kind of secret to keep is the one about yourself, and that's what internalized stigma or shame, and stereotype is.

When you have had as many therapy sessions as I have been blessed with, with some of the best therapists humankind has to offer, you, if not reflexively, realize when someone has not your best interests at heart and mind, but their own fear of suffering, scarcity, and death, upon reflection always, in order words, their own agenda with a linear order of human experiences, and subsequently their attempt at bamboozling you with following their ill advises blindly.

Two types of untruth-tellers: one who is most glib at talking and lying, and does so for it is thought of as a gift more than curse, and the other who is not so glib at speaking and lying, but does so in fearing the misperceived limits of truth in manipulating folks to the unlimited parameters of untruths, with imagination as guide to the most uncharted territory.

We always know more than we know, in an intimate relationship, but at times, we find ourselves in denial, in a vain attempt to amass social capital, or simply to submit to our sometimes insidious, primordial and hormonal drive for mating/connection.

You are always an accomplice to another lying to and mistreating you.

The worst partner you can have for an intimate relationship is one who doesn't know herself/himself, and is not even consciously attempting to know himself/herself. "Oh, this is how I am!" you will hear said often, while totally negating your observing and relating cogently to him/her that it is a deal-breaker.

Be most careful not to conflate supporting with helping the other involved in an intimate relationship with; supporting someone is being there to root for her/him at something that person is willing, ready, and able to do on his/her own, while to help someone is to be involved in pushing, doing part - - no matter the percentage, it's ultimately a sacrifice, instead of a commitment - - of the hard work for him needed to accomplish certain life goals, which is why it is so important to wait for the initial attachment hormones' pull, released inevitably in the human body, to have subsided a great deal, thus leaving one more rational to observe the other's life skills, goals and related drive.

Some recite the patriarchal, principally women-subjugating "till-death-do-us-part" marriage vows, and still not be committed to the relationship on any honest, empathetic, and vulnerable level. We do so in the name of tradition, social capital, and linear order or how the ego expresses itself collectively.

A narcissist stands a better chance of having an empathetic conversation with himself than with anyone else.

I could tell you a hundred and one reasons why I know, believe, and will act accordingly henceforth, that you don't have my best interests at heart and mind, but you would only attempt to countermand my forthrightness by mythologizing every single of my reasons to distance myself from your humongous ego.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

The Teacher Will Appear

The Teacher Will Appear
If you find yourself unhappy with your lonesome self or you simply want to split the bills -- well in that case, just get roommate(s) or a sponsor or a few, and if a sponsor ever wants to change the platonic/financial dynamics to an intimate one, just dismiss her/him promptly -- chances are very likely that if you get into an intimate relationship with another to find ​happiness, you will surely not find any joy and happiness, and then you will attempt your best, consciously or not, to make the other as unhappy as you are.

But much like the day follows the night, the ying and yang, or the two sides of a coin, the other is definitely a ready-made, preordained by the cosmos, reflection of who you are, and vice versa.

It takes two to make a dysfunctional relationship; whether the learner is ready or not to take cosmic responsibility for his/her journey, the teacher will appear.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Fringe Benefits

Fringe Benefits
There's a hidden reward to be unearthed, collected, and enjoyed after the final curtain call of an intimate, but dysfunctional relationship, in which the other had not made herself/himself available emotionally, financially, or with her/his time throughout: one doesn't have to miss any of the aforementioned, but only deleterious fringe benefits of social capital, which one's social self will miss unfortunately, but that is easy to overcome and leave behind.

Goddess has given one one face, if in fearing to be vulnerable, one creates​ another, it is then one's own cross to bear, on top of all the other human frailties.

Some emotional or communal pain must be hung out to dry, or the whole heart or community will inevitably begin to stench, then decompose to its core.  The hanging out to dry is needed to expose the pain to sunlight, where healing can begin to take place.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

But A Diamond In Formation

But A Diamond In Formation
After a failed intimate, but dysfunctional, relationship, it is surely a waste of energy to focus on what the other did not do or what emotional bids the other did not fulfill, but one should place firmly one's energy on analyzing and understanding​ the role one played within the dysfunctional dynamics of the failed relationship.

But in doing so, be most careful not to blame yourself, but to only, truly take cosmic responsibility for your part as the other half of the Tango dance duo, and only then will you be able to learn from your shortcomings, and hopefully end the cycle of choosing the "wrong" partner - - quotation marks around, for there's no such thing as that, for the other is only a true reflection of who you are with your dysfunctions, at that specific stage of life; you're definitely not "wrong" in any way either, but a diamond in formation.

To Name That Tune

To Name That Tune
If you fib about loving music, at the beginning of an intimate relationship, sooner or later you'll have to name that tune.

Exiting out of a dysfunctional relationship is like being reborn, you have to cut the umbilical cord suffocating you as soon as you've garnered the courage to do so , or you risk serious brain damage.

If you're still fighting with your not-so-ex about the kids, house, money, or tied down emotionally and/or financially to her/him, just do not get involved intimately with another just for emotional, financial support, instead, either go to therapy, get a "sponsor", "sponsors, " or to a much positive means and end, just pray for courage, time, and wisdom to navigate away from your troubles on your own, for you will build self-confidence, inner strength, and self-love in the process.
The other you enter into an intimate relationship with is not a trained mental health professional, a financial advisor, an ATM, a lawyer, and should not be misused, hoodwinked into performing those functions primarily for your benefit.

It's not so much that you want to change the other in a dysfunctional relationship with, but that you don't really mind spending time waiting and patiently so, for the other to miraculously change in front of your own eyes, for the dysfunctions remind you of home, of your experiences during your formative years with your primary life role models.

Common denominators with all folks with high privilege-by-proxy are secrets, addictions​, fractured and parallel two-selves.

The longer you stay, past its natural final curtain call, in an intimate relationship, the less respect you, both, will have left for each other, for, by then, the dysfunctional aspects will be so obviously burdensome, and all the fibs, on both sides, would have lost all of their North Wind inspiration.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Flukes

Flukes
Privilege is relative, NOT absolute; therefore, the privileged has to make sure that their privileges are NOT at all diluted by the masses, and so various tools of oppression must be used as roadblocks to prevent others from obtaining the same kinds, amount of privileges that they have inherited, earned in some rare cases, or bestowed upon.

High privilege is mostly passed on from members of a tribe to their heirs; it is rarely earned or bestowed upon by upper echelon of a society.

And yes, at times you will have flukes or folks who had not been bestowed high privileges upon at birth by their specific tribal affiliates, but have somehow infiltrated through the cracks in that wall that keeps the masses of all "races," creed, and human capabilities marginalized at birth and for the rest of their lives.
And these flukes, then, must and will serve well their new tribal members and reflexively so, by helping to perpetuate the myth that everyone could be like them, if only one were to work hard enough. Thus, some will in fact work themselves to a slow, painful, and premature death by working themselves not unlike slaves, fearing the lashes and the gods/goddesses incarnate, who they've been bamboozled, hoodwinked into believing are the natural heirs to all of our planet's resources.

And then, further down Dante's Inferno, there are those with high privilege-by-proxy.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Commitment & Sacrifice

Commitment & Sacrifice
There is never a "perfect" time to exit gracefully out of an intimate relationship, for always at such a time, or the natural final curtain call​, one is never quite ready emotionally, but there is the "right" time, and that is anytime after one has realized that the relationship is not worth committing to anymore, for usually, after the natural final curtain call, one needs to garner the emotional courage, and for a lot of women financial readiness comes into play, to leave the relationship.

On deal-breakers: if one of your deal-breakers is cheating, and you have any reason to believe ​that the other has or might have chosen to do so, the "right" time is any time you choose, even if he/she has just been given a few months to live, and you don't even have to visit at the hospital or go to the funeral; your social self might want to, but your authentic self is prescient in those matters.

Commitment is not sacrifice, so don't ever conflate the two, or the other might find it too convenient to enjoy watching you sacrifice your poor self at the altar of dysfunctional relationship.

Loyalty, much like love assayed, is only viable when BOTH have taken consciously the pledge, and go on behaving in ways to reflect so.

You cannot love the brokenness out of the other, for she/he is the only​ one who can do so internally.

When folks take the till-death-do-us-part- - constructed by patriarchy, aided and put to insidious use by some religions​ to further subjugate women, in general- - vow literally, then they might also start to feel, believe, and act to reflect that it applies only to the other, and if they should choose so applied to them only at times of convenience or trickery; the other has to be loyal, committed, loving, trustworthy, in other words, a sacrificial lamb.

When you truly love yourself, then you are loved by the most important person in life.

When you have been truly loving yourself all along your life journey, then you have been loved by the most important person in life.

Most times one will never be lucky enough - - or most unlucky, depending on how one handles it - - to witness with one's own eyes the other making the beast with two backs with another; therefore, if one has an intuition of that possibility, trust that gut-feeling.

Here's a rhetorical one: why is it always the one, who was NOT putting her/his 110% into an intimate relationship, to be most upset - - and offering the "I'll try harder this time" trickery, and for the twentieth times - - when the relationship has ended finally, and way after its natural final curtain call, when you had made it clear, time and time again, to the other about your feelings of unfulfillment and the dysfunctional aspects that needed to be addressed with or/and without​ professional help?

When in an intimate relationship with another who does not communicate about its shortcomings - - all relationships have them - - and future common goals, then you don't know what the other is capable of or not; you will feel like you never had the chance to get to know the other at all, at least not intimately.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

A Sisyphean Journey (Puzzles Our Will)

A Sisyphean Journey
( Puzzles Our Will )
On why we, human beings, and most likely the only sentient beings, fear death, I posit the following:

We do not know how to sit with our selves and do nothing, for from the point of coming into this human world, we are socialized, nurtured, and then expected to be doing, over-doing, and out-doing each other.

So, when the possibility of death enters in life, or when we begin to understand that all living things must die, not as some distant future happening, but every nanosecond of life, we are dying and living simultaneous at the cellular level, we start to form our unhealthy disassociation from our very natural, innate nature of human life, in a vain attempt to minimize our cosmic fear of death.

A Sysiphean journey it proves to be for us to minimize our fear of death, for the only viable possibility is to accept it, thus learn to die, all along the journey of living, gracefully before the final curtain, much like an actress learns to accept, embrace her character's every facets of being, in order to deliver a true, three-dimensional portrayal.

Another psychological wall we hide behind is what Shakespeare refers to as, "The undiscovered country from whose bourn//No traveler returns... ;" the fact we have been bamboozled, hoodwinked into rejecting cosmic randomness and mystery in general, we form as a result an adverse relationship to anything we cannot​ manipulate into submitting to our perverse linear order of doing and thinking.

We don't know what happens really after death, although some well-meaning religions have given us some comforting possibilities; nevertheless, the fear and denial of death itself has persisted, and has sent us to seek refuge in the dark corners of legacy, which then manifests itself as an insidious Cesar's complex, in which we want to live beyond our own death through our earthly accomplishments, regardless of how many we have to trample on in our emperor-like or god-incarnate, but more like Hades incarnate, pursuit of those accomplishments.

Friday, April 14, 2017

Dear Helen of Brooklyn

Dear Helen of Brooklyn,

I have looked deep inside of me to not feel cross at myself or a little bit guilty for writing about my emotional pain from our intimate relationship, and finally I come to realize thus:

Again, I only write about my emotional pain, or at least have exposed publicly only the facets of our relationship that I needed to reflect on, gain insights into, and finally make peace with, thus healing my emotional pain.

As evidenced in my writings, I have never, nor will I ever write about any personal and private conversations we have had about your family, friends, and co-workers; the only experiences you had shared with me, which I had told, in confidence, the two folks who had introduced us, I wish I had not done so, for the experience was not mine to share with anyone.  I learned from that error, and ask for your forgiveness.

I want to thank you for revealing to me parts of myself that I'd wished could have stayed buried, but now that they have been exhumed, I can learn to accept them as parts of my whole, thus hopefully in time transcend those parts that need to be, and certainly learn from those that have unconsciously been at my emotional driver's seat.

Goddess by you, family, and in good stead!

Social Meets Authentic Self ("To thine own self be true")

Social Meets Authentic Self
( "To thine own self be true" )
The alignment of your social self with your authentic self is your soul's reflection.

If you don't know yourself well enough, you really shouldn't enter into an intimate relationship with another, but should only take time to get to know yourself, or rebuild yourself anew after a failed romantic relationship.

If you find yourself praying to be in an intimate relationship with another, maybe, instead you should just pray for patience, self-acceptance, self-love, and self-forgiveness; in other words, learn first to be your own bestie; thus, focusing​ on learning and applying all the life skills required to do so functionally.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Precarious Proposition

Precarious Proposition
Giving folks advice is quite a precarious proposition, for if someone is only able and ready to crawl at their specific life stage, and you advice that they should be walking, you risk inflicting even more suffering upon them, and this is exactly why good therapists do not often give advice -- and when they do, will surely raise a red flag that says advice on it, and will not push the patient, if not truly ready for whatever reason(s)-- but will prod, guide you to find your own answers, which you will eventually, then, be able to tackle when ready emotionally and skill-wise.
Giving another advice that they don't quite have the life skills, courage to take on will eventually chip away more at the edges of their self-esteem.

Sacrifice, Oppression, and Narcissism

Sacrifice, Oppression, and Narcissism
The till-death-do-us-part vow is not a statement of commitment, but of sacrifice and oppression, for it gives abject agency to society's​ rules and tradition over the individual's cosmic freedom.
You don't have to understand why the other wants​ to exit out of an intimate relationship; therefore, the what-did-I-do-to-you is springes to catch woodcocks! Furthermore, it points clearly to your not understanding your very own self, or that you're a true narcissist; thus, how could you ever have understood the other, especially the other's emotional bids.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Curtain Call

Curtain Call
Knowing how to forgive (forgiveness is a skill) is a definite, non-negotiable prerequisite for self-love.

A sure and humongous red flag is when you propose to just stay or be friends with the other, in an intimate relationship, and she/he declines.
It's a glaring sign that, all along, you have had nothing good in common or very little, but mostly dysfunctional qualities.
It also means that there had never been any real attempt by the other at cultivating true love, not romantic but love assayed by and rooted in maturity, honesty, reciprocity, empathy, vulnerability, and life experiences, for that love is soul's discernment and cosmic freedom.

Whether or not one should stay or leave an intimate relationship should be and is definitely a mathematical proposition.

A sure red flag in an intimate relationship is when the other is unable to emotionally support you in your personal and professional endeavors, for it translates into you're not growing into, with, and out of each other -- literally and figuratively.

There comes a time in an intimate, but dysfunctional relationship, for the final curtain call, at which point if you do not take a gracious bow and make your prompt exit, you will have a quasi-Sysiphean task, later on, to repair damages incurred, for it will be more than just a refraction of your soul's reflection, but an abject dissociation from your soul's reflection, to say the least.

The for-better-or-worse relationship's construct is antithetical to soul's discernment, cosmic freedom/randomness, or love.

Oh, the awe-inspiring things man can create, but he can't build any sustainable bridge to lasting peace.

If one party is unhappy with the arrangements of an intimate relationship and makes a gracious exit, it is then an affront to civility, human decency, good sense bestowed upon by maturity, life experiences, and rationale to bemoan, decry "who left who" or "did not want who," for it takes two to make a functional or dysfunctional relationship.

People can't help but show you truthfully who they​ are, but you might choose to not believe them, and instead believe that you can change them, or they will change themselves to accommodate, reciprocate your undying love (sarcasm intended) for them, in order​ to tangle up your codependency's strings​ with their available ones, as Dionysus enthralled lovers are wont to do, mostly out of a vain attempt to amass social capital.

If I have to walk boldly, hop on one leg, or crawl to my death, in my aloneness, so let it be so, instead of being in an unfulfilled intimate relationship.

Since the voice of my loving, late mother has long been faint, now I often hear the voices of my therapists, guiding me through uncharted territory.

If everything is a social construct, then I could choose to not believe in "White" supremacy, and thus elect to live my life with the fact that we are all more than capable of oppressing one another.

A Tendency To Ruminate

A Tendency To Ruminate
I am a writer -- with "Generalized Anxiety Disorder" --; therefore, I am a thinker, and I have a tendency to ruminate, thus not being able to make timely decisions, but instead mull over repeatedly, and weigh in choices against their outcomes, way too much.
I need to learn to sit with my soul uninterrupted by the societal noises, thoughts, or words, at least, at times when I need to make a timely and important, stress-reducing decision in my own life.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

"Black" Supremacy?

"Black" Supremacy?
If you do not learn to love yourself unconditionally, you will always fall prey to those who love you conditionally.

Oppression is being miseducated, diseducated, bamboozled, and hoodwinked into believing, and exercising that insidious man-made construct, that one human being, because of his/her privilege or station in life, has agency over any other human being.

What do we call it, when it is done by "Black" folks to each other and to other "race"? Is it "Black" supremacy? Or are only "White" folks afraid of cosmic randomness or freedom? Are only "White" folks succeptible to "implicit bias?"

We fall prey to that linear order simply because of our enormous​ fear of cosmic randomness or freedom.

If I could rule the world,
I would not;
I would set all free.

I would free all
From the chains
Of linear order.

I would free all
From the fear
Of cosmic freedom.

All would have
Agency over their lives
Like winged spirits.

Perpetuating Status Quo

Perpetuating Status Quo
Driving anything one doesn't like underground allows it to take root away from the light of compassion, equity, empathy, and agape.

One should embrace everything, especially perceived oppressive thoughts and acts, in order to shine a light on them, thereby transcending them within oneself first; otherwise, one is just perpetuating the status quo of divisive politics, or the manipulations of collective angst.

Friday, April 7, 2017

Pay it Forward

Pay it Forward
One can only be blessed by suffering.
One can't, shouldn't attempt to romantically love the other on one's own terms or understanding​.
Any attempt to romantically love the other on one's own terms, understanding, or dysfunction is narcissism, or simply trickery.
Dear Helen of Brooklyn,
If you really thought or possibly believed that I had helped you in any way, please know this: you don't owe me anything. Just please pass on the empathy to the next person in need; just pay it forward.
Goddess bless!

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

A Survivor & a Miracle

A Survivor & a Miracle
If you have a mental illness, and you are struggling at times or most times, you are indeed and in deeds a survivor and a miracle.

Make it a part of your self-care or mantra to say or repeat so to yourself daily. especially at times when the negative self-talk intrudes, and/or stigma, stereotypes from the lowest depth of Dante's Inferno rises up to challenge your resolve and internal equilibrium.

I am a survivor and a miracle,

Goddess bless, reader!

Reading Becomes Imperative

Reading Becomes Imperative
If you do not have the financial resources and/or the mental, physical health to travel the world and learn about various cultures, reading becomes that much more imperative.

My writing helps me to construct, deconstruct, thus construe my self on no one else's terms, or without any external refraction of my soul's reflection.

Anyone who lives with a mental illness is courageous indeed and in deeds. Do NOT allow stigma and/or stereotypes to make you think or believe otherwise. Stay connected to your body; yes, the very mortal instrument that might fail you miserably at times or most times, for she is your portal back to your own self-acceptance and cosmic responsibility/freedom, thus inner peace.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Cowering Behind Apathy

Cowering Behind Apathy
What are you, Pandora of Brooklyn, without your high privilege-by-proxy?

Have you any courage? Are you able to accept life and death, without cowering behind drugs, alcohol, lies, deceits, manipulations, and apathy?

Are you any human, Pandora of Brooklyn?

Are you hiding behind your childhood's trauma?

I invite you to meet the human world anew, without a clenched heart, and the intrinsic rewards awaiting you, thereafter?

Unrequited Love

Unrequited Love
My Helen of Brooklyn
Kiss me, she would not,
Unless I had brushed
My repugnant teeth.

My Helen of Brooklyn
Hold me, she would not,
Unless her spendthrift ways
Her discretionary income had eclipsed.

My Helen of Brooklyn
Her toes I would kiss and tongue,
But a towel, my feet,
After a long bath, dried,
Would not touch.

My Helen of Brooklyn
Her natural woman's scent
My nose southly glued to was,
But her southerly lapping was timed
By the reluctant to-and-fros,
And only after a long shower.

Go To

Go To
Open I did not
Helen of Brooklyn
Pandora's box.
Now, Pandora of Brooklyn
(Herself, incarnate),
With her head of talc,
Fancies me to unbolt hers.
Go to Hades
And meet Cerberus,
Thy deleterious kin,
And may your high
Privilege-by-proxy
Soon be rescinded,
I recite like a Psalm.

To Reflect Status Quo

To Reflect Status Quo
Scarier than being unfulfilled or not getting what one needs from an intimate relationship is the other scorning one for not being a whole woodcock.

High privilege-by-proxy gives one carte blanche to put an antic disposition on, in order to collect and manipulate information to favor, reflect positively the status quo or linear order.

Saturday, April 1, 2017

High Privilege-by-Proxy

High Privilege-by-Proxy
Ill-starred is one whose relative value of money and privilege is external.

A clenched heart is not a sign of strength, but of body, mind, and soul unalignment.

Vulnerability is the alignment of body, mind, and soul.

High privilege-by-proxy gives one carte blanche to deconstruct, then reconstruct others' external reality, without the fear of external consequences.

The paradox of Helen of Brooklyn:  her subjective truth-telling were all lies and gaslighting.