I said later to myself that I am not a talker, but a writer; I am much more comfortable at writing, since I know very well that I can go back and edit as many times to shape it, with pen or keyboard coupled with my imagination as anvil, just the way I need it to travel out and about the external world.
My mental illness, at this stage of my life, does not make me any less resilient than another person without a diagnosed one, if anything it has made me more resilient in many ways: the various coping skills I learned with the many cognitive behaviorists throughout the many mental collapse, relapse episodes I have had do serve me most well, when facing adversities in life; knowing that at my age - - one of the two cognitive behaviorists I was in therapy with during my last episodic relapse repeated that brilliant, scientific advise to me, until it was cliched into my DNA, and it has been flourishing within me ever since - - the chances of my becoming psychotic, at my middle age, are way less than my winning the lottery or getting struck by lightning; oh, what a wonderful boon, bestowed upon me by Goddess! Also having been blessed with much suffering as a benevolent teacher for well over five decades, as I write this, she have taught me to not focus, thus magnifying my presently perceived negative life issues, but to accept them as invariably soon turning into lessons within the various curricula of life.
I am a resilient work in progress.
Goddess bless, reader!