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Monday, January 27, 2014

Your Authentic Self Commands It Thus (an epiphany #7)

Your Authentic Self Commands It Thus
(an epiphany #7)

When one gets into an intimate relationship with another, one NEEDS TO ACCEPT her/him for who he REALLY IS at that stage of her/his journey--and that is easier said than done, given my limited experiences in romantic endeavors, and an authentic Self being molded newly, and still very much at its infancy.

To not accept the other fully, completely is like demanding a two-month old baby to walk, and to have a lexicon of a toddler--the other is not, should not be at your command to be forced to skip the natural, glacial stage(s) of life.

Now assuming that you truly love your Self--and that is a prerequisite--,loving the other altruistically is a freedom-seeking, well-choreographed dance, in which your objective is to free your authentic Self through the loving of the other.  Thus to attempt to change the other, through bribery or otherwise, is to negate the other's authentic Self, and your Self as a byproduct, of course, inadvertently.

And so if you and the other, in a romantic relationship, are at incongruous stages of your journeys, one of you--and it does not matter who has the insight first--may NEED to use internal power to release the unbalanced, dysfunctional union back to the universe.

Moreover, with crocodile or otherwise tears the other might demand or beg you to not dissever the incongruous union--I have, myself, more than once, begged with tears, like two parallel rivers running down my hot face, of the other to not part ways with my broken, feeble heart--but be assertive, and stay with the insight, clearly, that your authentic Self commands to materialize thus.

Good journey, lovers.  Goddess' speed in finding a good match, for your stage of the journey.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

To Facilitate Real Change (an epiphany #6)

To Facilitate Real Change
(an epiphany #6)

Listening to or reading the news online lately leaves me to believe that the whole world seems to be falling into the bloody hands of revolutionary minds, which have not only convinced themselves, but others to die in the name of “change.”  But REAL, essential, and life-long change only happens WITHIN one individual at a time, moving from one stage of life to the next, and it may take decades to facilitate the smallest bit of REAL change--within one individual--, and sometimes close to a lifetime for most, it seems.

Revolution attempts to bypass the natural, glacial evolution of a society, and that is why one revolution always begets another bloody one—it is redundancy to qualify it with the word bloody.  Spilled blood seems to always necessitate more of its kind in the long run to redress the same issues of our imperfect, but noble, Human Nature.  Patience, I told one young man, not long ago, is a skill, like how to altruistically love, and can be learned, and so are all the other virtues we hold dear to our hearts--and thank God for that.   Hopefully the revolutionary minds, among our mist, can learn to be patient, and to NOT spill blood—theirs or others—in the pursuit of ephemeral, short-term, superfluous change, for change's sake.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

"Does Money Make You Happy?" by Stephen Evans (BBC World Service)

Does Money Make You Happy?
By Stephen Evans 
Business Daily presenter, BBC World Service 

The unhappy answer to whether or not your happiness expands in line with your wealth is "yes, but - no, but".
It seems it does if your riches rise relative to that of the Joneses, but not if you all rise together.
"What we actually care about is our income compared with other people," says Lord Layard, one of the founders of "happiness studies".
"But if over time everybody is becoming richer then people don't on average feel any better than they did before."
It is all relative
Lord Layard bases the conclusion on studies and surveys that have been conducted over the past half a century or so in the world's richer countries - the conclusions do not apply to countries so poor that the basic necessities are absent.
What the studies reveal is a paradox, sometimes known as the Easterlin Paradox after the man who noticed it.
The apparent contradiction is that:
  • People in the richer countries don't seem to be any happier now than they were then, despite their enrichment through economic growth, but that
  • people who are richer at any one time are happier on average than people who are poorer.
Conclusion: happiness depends on relative incomes and wealth.

Rising aspirations
We like to look out at the neighbours' drive and see a smaller car.
It is all a bit like the old New Yorker cartoon where the employee says to the boss: "OK, if I can't have a pay rise, can Bloggins have a pay cut?"
This is partly because aspirations rise with incomes. In this we are like a donkey with a carrot on a stick tied to its head: as the donkey moves forward, so does the potential reward.
"You rather quickly get adapted to more money so you don't get the pleasure out of it that you expected to get," explains Derek Bok, a former president of Harvard University and author of The Politics of Happiness.
"People's aspirations tend to rise as their incomes rise, so rather quickly they start to think of a lot of additional things that they need to buy. So they end up no happier than they were before."

Unknown cause
Happiness academics do accept that richer people are, by and large, happier than their poorer neighbours.
But they are not even certain that it is the money that does it.
"Happier people on the whole tend to be richer, but we're not quite sure why that is so," says Mr Bok.
"It may not be the money. It may be that richer people command more respect or they have the freedom to do more things. Or they are more likely to hold jobs in which people defer to them. Or they have more autonomy in what they do.
"So it doesn't always follow that giving more money if you don't change those other things is really going to improve their happiness."

Unachievable goals
So if money is not all it is cracked up to be, then what should people and governments do?
For starters, believes Lord Layard, a break-neck chase after economic growth is misplaced.
"This competition to get richer than other people; it can't be achieved at the level of society," he says.
"It's a zero-sum game.
"What we should do is have a positive sum. Increase the total amount of happiness, which means enabling people to have better human relationships."
Rather than going for high growth, smoother growth might produce more happiness by producing less disruption and the uncertainty that comes with the ups and down of the economy, according to Lord Layard.
"I certainly think that the relief of poverty is an incredibly important objective, but it shouldn't be done at any cost.
"We shouldn't just go for economic development even if it leads to the complete fragmentation of society... and a decline in happiness."

Story from BBC NEWS:

Published: 2010/04/06 23:06:42 GMT

© BBC 2014

Friday, January 17, 2014

Why Relationships Break Up | Relationships in Balance


"Strong relationships tend to reinforce positive and aligned mirror images that become increasingly tough to break. This is the reason that it is best when couples grow and change together. As couples change together from a position of alignment, the mirrors begin to reflect more positive than negative, as subconscious elements become repaired through this process of growth together. But, when couples grow separately (usually through prolonged relationship stress), eventually the mirrors break and we search for a different reflection of ourselves to meet our needs."  Nathan Feiles, LCSW

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Rules Of Engagement Romantic

Rules Of Engagement Romantic

  • An angry, unwise person is an honest, inebriated man:  get him angry, if possible, to assay his general comportment.
  • Love your Self more, always, than you love your partner, at any given stage of the intimate relationship.
  • Each romantic relationship will give birth to its own set of issues--both positive and negative--which propels it forward, always.
  • An intimate relationship is propelled forward in two ways--each with its own variances:  it continues on or it ends slowly, or abruptly.
  • Love does not make or break, for that matter, a romantic relationship...
  • ...but love may be used to positively fuel the hard work involved in one's commitment to it, to facilitate good, open, and honest communication, to incentivize lovers to be flexible, and to provide the fertile soil for respect to grow.
  • You can take a good, favorable statistical chance on starting an intimate relationship, but once in it, if you jeopardize its health in any way, it will have a minuscule-to-none probability of being and/or staying healthy. 
  • After a heartbreak, if you expand your heart's space as you gain your perspective, you will love anew.
  • Sex could get better and better in a loving, exclusive, committed, and intimate relationship.
  • takes two to NOT tango, as well.
  • Communication, honest and good, is a skill, and can be learned.
  • Good, honest communication is the backbone of any healthy, intimate relationship.
  • One person does NOT leave the other, when a romantic relationship ends; it ends for both of you could NOT keep it healthy, so do NOT feel inferior or superior to the other in any way; the two of you were simply, truthfully NOT a good match.
  • You must TRUST your partner in a romantic relationship, in order to be happy, content, and at peace with her/him.
  • They say that for economists, what people say does NOT matter, it's what they DO which does matter.  Apply the same principle to your intimate relationship:  it is what your partner DOES, and NOT what she/he says, so pay close attention to the actions.
  • There are no shortcuts in life's journey, but do not be afraid to take them, for lessons within them to be taught, and hopefully learned.

Monday, January 6, 2014

Prayers Answered

Prayers Answered

Her words flew up,
With a symphony of 
Yes, yes, yes--
She got louder, with softness.
Then: silence. 
She floated, on.
Her prayers answered.
Spirits Rejoiced.

Paradoxes, Emblems, and Metaphors

Paradoxes, Emblems, and Metaphors

Amongst the rubble, a dead couple rises above death with a lover's embrace.

A bird is perched on top of a prison's roof, where society chains unwanted souls.

A Mexican Artist transforms guns into musical instruments to exorcise the demons out of their metals.

A poor lad in Haiti sells his very soul to Hades in exchange for a one-way ticket to the good old USA, and when he finally makes it there, wishes he could go back--yes, back to his home, where his heart expands.

A magazine editor's uncontrollable fear of vomiting produces full-blown anxiety attacks, but he has not vomited in well over two decades.

A male-to-woman transgender--post-op--loves and mates, only, with other women.

The meager diet, provided to some prisoners, affords them more years to live, maybe to suffer--more or less.

A fireman falls madly in love with a female arsonist.

A mole on her face, asymmetry's jeer, and we call it a beauty mark.

John loves Jane for she cannot, won't requite his love; therefore, he clearly does not love himself.

Beauty lies within a heart which is true, even though she breaks.

I will only become, who I have been.

A homophobic person goes to prison, where he has consensual gay sex, but when out again in the larger society, returns to his inherited, learned, and comfortable homophobia.

There are NO shortcuts in life's journey, but you may take them when needed, for within them are lessons waiting to be taught, and hopefully learned.

The paradoxical, small world of living-in-your-head is most insidious, for you are your own god and devil at the same time, in isolation for the real, larger, and authentic world.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Her Heart's Depth

Her Heart's Depth

Peace eluded my Soul was,
Till my Goddess Fab bestowed upon
Her heart magnanimous, arms
To hold me within its depth.

And within her heart's realm,
My Soul found a sublime joy;
So now my heart beats not, but
By the harmonious rhythm of hers. 

Friday, January 3, 2014

An Epiphany (#5)

An Epiphany (#5)

Membership in a tribe affords a Human Being good chances for survival, but meeting that human's need for belonging, therefore a greater chance for survival, facilitates also chances of an early, unnecessary death, collectively, a lot of times, with your chosen tribe.

What if we could all belong to, only, one tribe, the Human Tribe?

The man-made fear, of one tribe gaining grounds on another, provides opportunities for some misguided tribal leaders, fearing the loss of some external powers, to commit genocides in the interests of their own tribes' better likelihood of survival.

Misguided!  Yes.

Misguided!  Yes, those of us, who embrace power struggles to win more external powers for us and our tribes, are never evil; for any of us to perceive them as evil, instead of simply less-human, in very dark stages of their lives, gives ourselves the carte blanche to NOT see ourselves in them, and to be less empathetic or less-human, as well.  And needless to say that when the less-human folks, in very tribal state of minds, go against each other, you have less and less communication and understanding, but more and more of finger-pointing, blaming for each tribe having its own human self-interests, to the point where no side is able to compromise.

Compromised self-interests are democratic and benevolent.  Uncompromising self-interests are less-human, inflexible.

Compromised self-interests are democratic, benevolent human self-interests, while uncompromising self-interests are simply less-human, inflexible, hard-line, and single-minded ones, which promote external conflicts, genocides, and wars in the pursuit of more external powers to acquire more, and more of our world's limited, non-renewable, but abundant natural resources--yes, there are enough for all of us, if some of us do not hoard most of the natural resources, out of FEAR, and not necessarily greed--"fear is the absence of love."

"There is a sufficiency in the world for man's need, but NOT for man's greed."
--Mahatma Gandhi

...but greed is the offspring of fear, I believe.

"I killed a man." (A Man taking RESPONSIBILITY for his actions! Please, DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE--period)