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Friday, July 19, 2013

Learning to Want With Unattachment: A Paradox

Learning to Want With Unattachment:  A Paradox

In a Romantic relationship, one should want only to be with the other.  Wanting the other person gives one the freedom or the appropriate state of mind to perceive, thus, staying or being in the relationship as a choice, which one has made, and is responsible for to monitor dynamically as a commitment, and NOT as a sacrifice, a need, or a have-to.

When one thinks or believes that one needs, or has to be with the other, then the state of mind one enters is one of sacrifice, where one gives or sacrifices oneself for the other; one loses, literally, oneself, to some or large degree, in the other, to the point of NOT having a self or individuality independent of the other.  Then, needless to say, that when or if the Romantic relationship were to reach its natural ending, and the other were to want, need to move on, one would NOT be able to extricate oneself from that entanglement, state of mind of physical/spiritual attachment to the other.  Again, it goes without saying that the reflective, intractable consequences of such negative state of mind would be most painful.

What one has to remember or gain insight of is that the other is ONLY special because one has bestowed the special qualities upon the other.  Those qualities that make the other special are NOT inherent in the other, for they only exist because one beholds her/him beautiful/handsome.  As David Hume cogently writes in "Moral and Political," "Beauty in things [or persons] exists merely in the mind which contemplates them ." Thus, the contemplative mind, itself, is the creator of that beauty; inherent in the beholder are the qualities that are bestowed upon the beauty or the other.  Thus, the contemplative mind has all the power, and not the other.

I am Mistress/Master of my fate.


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