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Sunday, April 23, 2017

But A Diamond In Formation

But A Diamond In Formation
After a failed intimate, but dysfunctional, relationship, it is surely a waste of energy to focus on what the other did not do or what emotional bids the other did not fulfill, but one should place firmly one's energy on analyzing and understanding​ the role one played within the dysfunctional dynamics of the failed relationship.

But in doing so, be most careful not to blame yourself, but to only, truly take cosmic responsibility for your part as the other half of the Tango dance duo, and only then will you be able to learn from your shortcomings, and hopefully end the cycle of choosing the "wrong" partner - - quotation marks around, for there's no such thing as that, for the other is only a true reflection of who you are with your dysfunctions, at that specific stage of life; you're definitely not "wrong" in any way either, but a diamond in formation.

To Name That Tune

To Name That Tune
If you fib about loving music, at the beginning of an intimate relationship, sooner or later you'll have to name that tune.

Exiting out of a dysfunctional relationship is like being reborn, you have to cut the umbilical cord suffocating you as soon as you've garnered the courage to do so , or you risk serious brain damage.

If you're still fighting with your not-so-ex about the kids, house, money, or tied down emotionally and/or financially to her/him, just do not get involved intimately with another just for emotional, financial support, instead, either go to therapy, get a "sponsor", "sponsors, " or to a much positive means and end, just pray for courage, time, and wisdom to navigate away from your troubles on your own, for you will build self-confidence, inner strength, and self-love in the process.
The other you enter into an intimate relationship with is not a trained mental health professional, a financial advisor, an ATM, a lawyer, and should not be misused, hoodwinked into performing those functions primarily for your benefit.

It's not so much that you want to change the other in a dysfunctional relationship with, but that you don't really mind spending time waiting and patiently so, for the other to miraculously change in front of your own eyes, for the dysfunctions remind you of home, of your experiences during your formative years with your primary life role models.

Common denominators with all folks with high privilege-by-proxy are secrets, addictions​, fractured and parallel two-selves.

The longer you stay, past its natural final curtain call, in an intimate relationship, the less respect you, both, will have left for each other, for, by then, the dysfunctional aspects will be so obviously burdensome, and all the fibs, on both sides, would have lost all of their North Wind inspiration.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Flukes

Flukes
Privilege is relative, NOT absolute; therefore, the privileged has to make sure that their privileges are NOT at all diluted by the masses, and so various tools of oppression must be used as roadblocks to prevent others from obtaining the same kinds, amount of privileges that they have inherited, earned in some rare cases, or bestowed upon.

High privilege is mostly passed on from members of a tribe to their heirs; it is rarely earned or bestowed upon by upper echelon of a society.

And yes, at times you will have flukes or folks who had not been bestowed high privileges upon at birth by their specific tribal affiliates, but have somehow infiltrated through the cracks in that wall that keeps the masses of all "races," creed, and human capabilities marginalized at birth and for the rest of their lives.
And these flukes, then, must and will serve well their new tribal members and reflexively so, by helping to perpetuate the myth that everyone could be like them, if only one were to work hard enough. Thus, some will in fact work themselves to a slow, painful, and premature death by working themselves not unlike slaves, fearing the lashes and the gods/goddesses incarnate, who they've been bamboozled, hoodwinked into believing are the natural heirs to all of our planet's resources.

And then, further down Dante's Inferno, there are those with high privilege-by-proxy.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Commitment & Sacrifice

Commitment & Sacrifice
There is never a "perfect" time to exit gracefully out of an intimate relationship, for always at such a time, or the natural final curtain call​, one is never quite ready emotionally, but there is the "right" time, and that is anytime after one has realized that the relationship is not worth committing to anymore, for usually, after the natural final curtain call, one needs to garner the emotional courage, and for a lot of women financial readiness comes into play, to leave the relationship.

On deal-breakers: if one of your deal-breakers is cheating, and you have any reason to believe ​that the other has or might have chosen to do so, the "right" time is any time you choose, even if he/she has just been given a few months to live, and you don't even have to visit at the hospital or go to the funeral; your social self might want to, but your authentic self is prescient in those matters.

Commitment is not sacrifice, so don't ever conflate the two, or the other might find it too convenient to enjoy watching you sacrifice your poor self at the altar of dysfunctional relationship.

Loyalty, much like love assayed, is only viable when BOTH have taken consciously the pledge, and go on behaving in ways to reflect so.

You cannot love the brokenness out of the other, for she/he is the only​ one who can do so internally.

When folks take the till-death-do-us-part- - constructed by patriarchy, aided and put to insidious use by some religions​ to further subjugate women, in general- - vow literally, then they might also start to feel, believe, and act to reflect that it applies only to the other, and if they should choose so applied to them only at times of convenience or trickery; the other has to be loyal, committed, loving, trustworthy, in other words, a sacrificial lamb.

When you truly love yourself, then you are loved by the most important person in life.

When you have been truly loving yourself all along your life journey, then you have been loved by the most important person in life.

Most times one will never be lucky enough - - or most unlucky, depending on how one handles it - - to witness with one's own eyes the other making the beast with two backs with another; therefore, if one has an intuition of that possibility, trust that gut-feeling.

Here's a rhetorical one: why is it always the one, who was NOT putting her/his 110% into an intimate relationship, to be most upset - - and offering the "I'll try harder this time" trickery, and for the twentieth times - - when the relationship has ended finally, and way after its natural final curtain call, when you had made it clear, time and time again, to the other about your feelings of unfulfillment and the dysfunctional aspects that needed to be addressed with or/and without​ professional help?

When in an intimate relationship with another who does not communicate about its shortcomings - - all relationships have them - - and future common goals, then you don't know what the other is capable of or not; you will feel like you never had the chance to get to know the other at all, at least not intimately.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

A Sisyphean Journey (Puzzles Our Will)

A Sisyphean Journey
( Puzzles Our Will )
On why we, human beings, and most likely the only sentient beings, fear death, I posit the following:

We do not know how to sit with our selves and do nothing, for from the point of coming into this human world, we are socialized, nurtured, and then expected to be doing, over-doing, and out-doing each other.

So, when the possibility of death enters in life, or when we begin to understand that all living things must die, not as some distant future happening, but every nanosecond of life, we are dying and living simultaneous at the cellular level, we start to form our unhealthy disassociation from our very natural, innate nature of human life, in a vain attempt to minimize our cosmic fear of death.

A Sysiphean journey it proves to be for us to minimize our fear of death, for the only viable possibility is to accept it, thus learn to die, all along the journey of living, gracefully before the final curtain, much like an actress learns to accept, embrace her character's every facets of being, in order to deliver a true, three-dimensional portrayal.

Another psychological wall we hide behind is what Shakespeare refers to as, "The undiscovered country from whose bourn//No traveler returns... ;" the fact we have been bamboozled, hoodwinked into rejecting cosmic randomness and mystery in general, we form as a result an adverse relationship to anything we cannot​ manipulate into submitting to our perverse linear order of doing and thinking.

We don't know what happens really after death, although some well-meaning religions have given us some comforting possibilities; nevertheless, the fear and denial of death itself has persisted, and has sent us to seek refuge in the dark corners of legacy, which then manifests itself as an insidious Cesar's complex, in which we want to live beyond our own death through our earthly accomplishments, regardless of how many we have to trample on in our emperor-like or god-incarnate, but more like Hades incarnate, pursuit of those accomplishments.

Friday, April 14, 2017

Dear Helen of Brooklyn

Dear Helen of Brooklyn,

I have looked deep inside of me to not feel cross at myself or a little bit guilty for writing about my emotional pain from our intimate relationship, and finally I come to realize thus:

Again, I only write about my emotional pain, or at least have exposed publicly only the facets of our relationship that I needed to reflect on, gain insights into, and finally make peace with, thus healing my emotional pain.

As evidenced in my writings, I have never, nor will I ever write about any personal and private conversations we have had about your family, friends, and co-workers; the only experiences you had shared with me, which I had told, in confidence, the two folks who had introduced us, I wish I had not done so, for the experience was not mine to share with anyone.  I learned from that error, and ask for your forgiveness.

I want to thank you for revealing to me parts of myself that I'd wished could have stayed buried, but now that they have been exhumed, I can learn to accept them as parts of my whole, thus hopefully in time transcend those parts that need to be, and certainly learn from those that have unconsciously been at my emotional driver's seat.

Goddess by you, family, and in good stead!

Social Meets Authentic Self ("To thine own self be true")

Social Meets Authentic Self
( "To thine own self be true" )
The alignment of your social self with your authentic self is your soul's reflection.

If you don't know yourself well enough, you really shouldn't enter into an intimate relationship with another, but should only take time to get to know yourself, or rebuild yourself anew after a failed romantic relationship.

If you find yourself praying to be in an intimate relationship with another, maybe, instead you should just pray for patience, self-acceptance, self-love, and self-forgiveness; in other words, learn first to be your own bestie; thus, focusing​ on learning and applying all the life skills required to do so functionally.